the timeline of a disaster

thirteen things about the unholy stench in the office yesterday week #14 1. it was somewhat my fault 2. the biggest boss in the office killed his bamboo plant. well, he didn't kill the plant yesterday, just gave up on it yesterday. and then tossed it, still in pot, into the copy room trash can 3. the administrative assistant and i happened to glance into the copy room trash can and see the very pretty pot sitting inside. we then reministed about the homeless men dumpster diving, which we habitually witness in the dumpster across the street from the office. we then weighed the similarities of dumpster diving and picking the very pretty pot out of the copy room trash can. the copy room trash can only had paper in it and so in the end, i picked out the discarded pot. 4. since the copy room trash can did not have a liner, and since it seemed likely that the bamboo plant in its death throws might be messy, i decided to clean the pot out in the kitchen trash can, just around the corner from the copy room. 5. the bamboo i pulled out of the pot was awful. the bottom half and roots were all rotted and uber slimy. it smelled rather foul. 6. i discovered the rocks holding it up were still full of water so i poured it down the kitchen drain. the water was putrid. i then tried to dump the rocks out in the trash and found the top layer was some how sealed so that nothing below them could come out. 7. the rotten, fetid smell coming out of the very pretty pot was getting so strong at that point that my eyes were watering and my nose burning and i was starting to gag. 8. i tossed the pot away into the kitchen trash can and fled back to the copy room. 9. the administrative assistant didn't know what was going on or where the smell was coming. she kept looking around thinking, 'wow, did i do that??' now, to me, if i was actually to blame, i think i would know right off. i would not have to glance around and wonder. and since she did have to do that, i assume she was in fact contributing to the overall office aromas. 10. the heat kicked on. air started to circulate. the smell increased exponentially. 11. we hosed the office down with spray stuff. we made coffee. we popped popcorn. 12. i fled upstairs but still seemed to smell it. in a fit of depression, i determined that the smell was somehow on my clothes. the administrative assistant and i hunted around the building for a solution. in the end, i wiped myself down with an orange scented clorox kitchen wipe. 13. the lawyer's secretary missed out on all of this. i'm not sure where she was but about an hour later, she happened by the administrative assistance's desk and mumbled under her breath, 'wow, (the crusty old codger of a lawyer i work for) smells bad today!' we were hard pressed to convince her that it wasn't her boss but some hedious nastiness coming out of the kitchen trash can. and i was genuinely surprised at how easily she jumped to the conclusion that the extra special smell was coming from her boss. hopefully the building has aired out some over night.

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